Spicy Titles

August 06, 2010

Picture it. You’re at your local Mid Continent Public Library branch leisurely browsing the latest and greatest on the Most Requested Author display. The phone rings and you hear the otherwise, very nice library clerk answer in her usual cheery tone. Out of the corner of your eye, you see her pause, squirm in her chair, dab her brow, and say under her breath, “Shoot the Da** Dog. Who the H*ll is Pansy O’Hara? Skinny B**ch. You S**k.” Then, you see the otherwise, very nice library clerk hang up the phone and continue working.

At this time, you might be thinking, How Rude! And you might be wondering, what is going on in this otherwise, very nice library clerk’s sordid life.

Well, I’ll tell you, probably not anything as juicy as these book titles imply.

Yes, book titles. Spicy titles; and I’m not talking cookbooks, necessarily. I’m talking about those books with titles that would make a sailor blush. And those aforementioned aren’t even the bad ones. The first time I took one of these awkward calls, I honestly thought it was a joke. I wanted to say, “Wouldn’t you just rather ask me if my refrigerator is running?”

Are authors doing this on purpose? Do they realize they are forcing an otherwise very nice library clerk to be a public potty mouth?

But let’s not judge a book by its title or we might miss a good read. For instance, Shoot the Da** Dog: a Memoir of Depression is the account of the author’s personal struggles with depression and her successful treatment. Who the H*ll is Pansy O’Hara: the fascinating stories behind 50 of the world’s best-loved books explores the back stories of 50 of the greatest books in the English language. Then, yes, there is the popular Skinny B**ch cookbook series.

So, if you call to see what you have on hold, and the cheery voice on the other end pauses and says, “Um, Skinny [female dog] in the kitch: kick-[rear end] recipes for hungry girls who want to stop cooking [caca],” the otherwise very nice, but slightly embarrassed library clerk might be asking herself, Is it just me or is everything [poo]?

Mary P